I know why you’re reading this. You’re thinking about having another baby, aren’t you? Damn it, girl. Have you learned nothing from the last two little munchkins who resided in your belly for extended stays, and ultimately exited in the most profound, dramatic way possible?
Because it wasn’t all flurries and hiccups, remember? Pregnancy is intense. So I’m writing you this handy little letter to remind you what pregnancy really feels like (eight months pregnant and 30 pounds in). Because knowing you, you’ve forgotten the juicy tidbits and are just feeling nostalgic. I can fix that.
1. ‘Remember the Alamo’
Okay, my history is fuzzy and all I remember is that this famous folk song was a plea not to forget a bloody, harrowing battle. But our song should be “Remember the First Trimester!” because those weeks were brutal—the morning sickness, the fatigue. Trying to get up every morning was hard enough, and making it through the day was a major accomplishment. Have you forgotten all the tears? Falling asleep on the bathroom floor? That time you threw up in the car and didn’t have any wet wipes? Oh baby.
The morning sickness passed, thank God. Soon, food and water weren’t the enemy anymore, and the smell of coffee didn’t make your stomach turn. Before long, you could put the bedside saltines away and eat more than just dry sesame bagels. The memories of the morning sickness began to fade, but do not forget them! You fought that battle and won, but oh, those days were tough.