5 Things I Can’t Wait for with the New Baby, and 5 Things I Dread!

There are probably way more than five things I am looking forward to with baby number two. But five seems like a good number, and everyone’s busy, so here we go:

1. Giving birth - Yes, this may sound strange for people that had delivery nightmares or remember the pain. But it’s been a year and a half, so I’ve well forgotten the pain. And all in all, the experience was epic. The hospital nurses were so amazing. They kept giving me free jello and juice. It was cool! My husband stepped up his game to the max, reminding me again why I am the luckiest girl ever. Okay, the pain was terrible. I remember repeatedly telling my husband I wanted to die. But eventually I got an epidural and it was pretty smooth sailing from there on out. And at the end was the ultimate reward, my beautiful son! Which leads me to…
2. Meeting the baby - This goes without saying. But let’s face it, those ultrasound pictures do not do our babies justice! Looking this tiny human in the eye, after 40 weeks of anticipation (or let’s face it, a lifetime of hoping and dreaming), is like no other experience.
3. New baby smell - Oh, I miss that smell. Is there anything better? I can feel the endorphins pumping with every inhale. And before you know it, it’s gone. Since this will likely be my last baby, I’m going to savor the smell. Wow, that sounds so weird.
4. I’m the Most Important Person in the World - When my son was born, for the first time in my life I became critical to another human’s existence. Oh, what a power trip! All of a sudden, I felt like superwoman. My superpower? I was a milk-making machine. I also doled out lots of love. But hubs did that too, so milk it was! This can be both a blessing and a curse, as I learned by week three of waking up every 2 hours to feed the baby and slowly losing my mind. As the months go by, and the baby starts to eat solids and become more human, this passes. So I will enjoy my power while it lasts.
5. Breastfeeding - Ok, this belongs on both lists. Yes, my superpower is making milk and I think it’s so cool that my baby can receive all the sustenance he/she needs from my breasts. Also, and this probably sounds strange but I love the feeling of breastfeeding. Once the baby latches, it’s a rush. Especially if you hadn’t fed in a while and you were ready to explode. Then, watching the baby drink, so relaxed and peaceful. What a beautiful moment to cherish. And the bond!

And now for things I dread:

1. Breastfeeding - Not all of it, obviously. There is so much about it I love. But I do not look forward to the full boob feeling, the leaking and being the only one who can feed the baby in the middle of the night. Complaining aside, I pray to God I can do it with this next baby. I was blessed to be able to breastfeed my son, but I have friends who could not breastfeed. If I am fortunate enough to breastfeed this next baby, I will gladly put up with these trivial things I dread!
2. The No Sleep Thing - Limited sleep is truly a form of torture. I don’t handle lack of sleep well. Between that and the hormonal transition that happens after birth, I have little doubt they led to my post-partum depression.
3. So let’s mention that - Post Partum Depression. I’ve struggled with depression in the past so I knew I was more susceptible to post-partum depression, and I know it’s likely I will experience it again a second time. Even when you’re expecting it, it still hits you like a ton of bricks. Maybe I’ll talk about this more in another post, but right now my heart hurts even thinking about it.
4. Baby’s Firsts - Hear me out! Since I am planning on this being the completion of my family, that means that all the baby’s firsts — first smile, first roll over, first toot — will also be the last firsts I’ll ever have. I will cherish them even more, but it already makes me sad thinking about my baby growing up.
5. The Judgement - Maybe this will be different with baby two? I always felt like everyone was staring me down with my son, watching… judging… Thinking “she’s holding the baby all wrong” or
   “why can’t that mom figure out how to stop her own baby from crying?” I was terrified I was doing this all wrong, and I was certain the world was talking about how I was f*cking it up behind my back.

Do any of these resonate? What did I miss?