Forget Mommy Wars, Let’s Talk about Mommy Cliques

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

Full disclosure: I have not yet read Mindy Kaling’s book, “Is Everyone Hanging Out without Me?” but I just love the title because I think I say this to myself several times a day. And I say it about 100 times a minutes when I’m scrolling Facebook.

Ever since becoming a mom, I have struggled… I mean, STRUGGLED… with making mommy friends. Friends without kids, well I understand. Motherhood is a weird world and priorities change so much. I remember going to a baby shower before being a mom, and the entire afternoon’s conversation was centered around breastfeeding, engorgement and best birth story. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

But other moms? WTF? Friends who I have known for years who were already moms and who I thought would become closer than ever now that I could add “mom” to my job title, seemingly disappeared after I joined the mommy club. Despite multiple attempts to meet up for coffee, play dates or lunch/coffee sans kids, I only see them occasionally at an outing. They’re nice enough and ask how “the baby” is and provide me with ample advice. And then I don’t see them for six months. At first I assumed nobody left the house. Maybe everyone’s so consumed with their children and families, that’s just how moms are.

But then I started noticing things on Facebook. Pictures, updates, tags… my mommy friends were all hanging out without me! At first I thought it was an oversight, and I dropped a few hints with some of my closer friends in the group that I’m dying for a girl’s night, I miss going out, would love to have more girl time. Crickets. And then more posts on my feed of more hangouts.

It’s hurt my feelings. That’s an understatement. I’ve actually stopped checking Facebook because I found myself becoming slightly more depressed after each visit. And this tactic has helped immensely. But it doesn’t tackle the bigger issue: Mommy Cliques.

I haven’t had to deal with cliques since high school but mommy cliques are very real. And here’s how to spot them:

1. They gab on social media about their amazing friends and the killer event they just had, for all to see. Look for terms such as “#ladiesnight”, “hanging with my peeps” and “So much fun with my besties”. They tag these friends too, so the more friends you have in this clique, the higher probability it shows up on your feed.
2. They are exclusive. Membership is full, and there’s a waiting list to join. If you mention joining them, and they change the subject — bingo! You just spotted one.
3. They are fierce, judgmental and too cool for school. Think Mean Girls and high school. I don’t know exactly what they talk about, being as I’m not in the club yet, but I know they talk about other moms. They certainly harp on other moms’ parenting styles. And they probably spend the majority of time talking about me, my mothering skills and why I’m not good enough for their group. Ok, a little paranoid and conceited over here. In all seriousness, I’m sure they think other moms are lame, too 😉

As if I don’t have enough to stress about with raising a toddler, pregnancy and juggling work and family life, now I have to deal with petty mom cliques. I guess the moral of the story is, if my friends are really so harsh and off-putting, do I really want them as friends at all? The high school wallflower in me screams, “YES!!!”