I’m back in the Huffington Post with my story on seeking spirituality after becoming a mom. Being a parent is scary. Life hands you this beautiful, helpless baby and says “Good luck! He/she’s in your hands now!” I needed some guidance on what life was all about, and I found it… sort of. Here’s my story.
Finding Meaning and Purpose in Parenthood
Life shifts in momentous ways when you have a child. Suddenly, the unknowns and fears from your youth, like life and death and why are we here — things you could quiet in the background during young adulthood while you focused on more important things like boyfriends and going out — come back with a vengeance and remind you how scary and uncertain life is and will be forevermore.
After having my first child, life never felt more uncontrollable and terrifying. Things that did not phase me before, like driving a car, large crowds, or germ and viruses, took me to a new level of anxiety. I realized how little control I have over my surroundings and how little control I have over protecting my son.
I struggled with postpartum depression well after son’s birth. We had moved to the countryside and the vast empty fields and open space added to my already shaky feelings of loneliness and worry. I needed friends, human contact, and guidance, and I wasn’t sure where to turn.
I found myself visiting a local church one particularly vulnerable Sunday. I hadn’t explored religion since my youth, and never took it very seriously. But on this day, I felt empty and hopeless, and it suddenly made perfect sense to be there.
I chose the church out of convenience. It was a non-denominational church that operated out of the local high school. Each week, a crew would literally transform the auditorium into a sanctuary, and convert the classrooms into day care centers. I was nervous walking into the main hall. I couldn’t believe how crowded it was. Families, elders and children everywhere. So this is where everyone goes on Sunday morning?
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