Why Two Kids Are Easier Than One

As soon as I announced my pregnancy with baby number two, the advice started to trickle in. The warnings did too. And there’s one thing I heard over, and over… and over: Having two is more than twice as hard.

And it is, but it isn’t. Yes, there are two of them now, and their needs are totally different and yet they need mom at the same time. So there are more mouths to feed, more diapers to change, more lives to manage. I expected my lack of confidence in my parenting skills to skyrocket after my second son debuted. Twice as many opportunities to screw up, right? But a funny thing happened since having my second — something I never expected.

Having a second child has made me a better, more confident mom.

Yes, you read that right. Having my second child was exactly what I needed to act, feel, and be a better mom.

I know it sounds counterintuitive. When the job is twice as hard, doing a good job is more challenging — right? Duh. But hear me out.

1. I actually know what I’m doing now. The hardest part about being a first time mom is having no stinkin clue what I was doing. Is the baby safe? Can I hold him like this? Is this a cold, or is he dying? Seriously, I spent more time Googling questions about poop colors and rashes than I care to admit now. The second time around, I have a better understanding of how to care for a baby. Wow, what a difference some basic understanding of how a baby operates makes!
2. I’ve learned what is important and what isn’t. With my first, I put all my energy into everything. Big, small, important, and not important. I made everything a very big deal. Breastfeeding vs formula, watching TV, organic, homemade baby food? These were all decisions that were shaping my son’s life and permanent future happiness! Now that my time is torn between two, I can only focus on what is truly important. Keeping my kids safe? Important. Feeding my toddler mac and cheese six days a week? Not so much.
3. I’ve calmed down. I wish I could test my blood pressure now versus two years ago. I remember being so stressed out all the time with my first child. The only time I truly felt I could relax was when he went down for the night. The rest of the day was an endless mind assault of trying to keep him safe from dangers both tangible and abstract. What a waste of energy. Now I’m more relaxed, and I actually enjoy my time with my kids. I don’t tensely watch the clock until bedtime. Ok, truth — sometimes I do watch the clock until bedtime, but it’s mostly because I’m exhausted and just want to sit down.
4. I’ve learned how to delegate. I’m blessed with family nearby willing and able to help me, which is huge. I know a lot of moms don’t have this luxury. However, even though I had this advantage with my first child, I didn’t use it as often as I should have and the reason is ridiculous: I was afraid of being judged. Asking for help seemed like the perfect way to hint that I was in way over my head and not good at this whole mommy thing. And I didn’t want people to think that! I wanted to look like I had everything under control, even when I was dying inside. This second time around, I don’t wait for people to even offer to help. I suggest it! It is a game changer, and I only wish I started doing it sooner. Perhaps if I had, I could have prevented a few mommy meltdowns.
5. My second child is just plain easier. It’s not all me. The truth is my second son is an easier baby, which makes me feel more confident in my parenting skills. Those suffocating nights with my colicky oldest made me question my skills as a mother to the very core. With my easy, relaxed second child, I take heart in knowing some kids are just more challenging and that doesn’t make me a bad mom.

I know having two will only get harder before it gets easier, though. I dread the day my infant becomes mobile. And I hear that three-year olds make the age of two look like a cake walk. I’ll adjust when we reach those bridges. But in the meantime, I’m feeling pretty good about my parenting skills as a momma of two. I spend more days feeling like “I got this” than days when I don’t. Which is a far cry from when I only had one.

I finally feel like I’m the mom I imagined myself to be growing up. Not a worry-wart, edgy, frazzled mama I exhibited countless times with my first child. A cooler, more “go with the flow” mama. This is the mama I want to be. This is the mama my kids and husband can enjoy more. And this is the mama who knows what’s important and what to let go.

I got this.