I went to a play date the other day at someone’s house. Almost the moment I stepped through the front door, the mom giggled “Mimosa time!” and my body froze up.
I wasn’t prepared for this.
Most times, when I’m heading to a social gathering, I have time to prepare. I mentally prepare, I physically prepare (I always bring a kombucha with me), I emotionally prepare.
I think about what I will say when someone asks why I’m not drinking. I think about how deep I want to get in the conversation — because some days I’m ready to go there, and other days I want to talk about anything BUT that.
Today, because I was so caught off guard, I probably looked like a deer in headlights. I almost said “Yes” and thought about just pretending to sip it. But I said “Not right now, I’m good thank you” and the conversation veered to something else.
But it came up again about 15 minutes later. And again another 15 minutes later. And I was practically banging my head against the wall mentally thinking “why don’t I just tell her I don’t drink?”
But I didn’t. I was afraid she would think I wasn’t fun. I was afraid she wouldn’t want to have more play dates with me.
I read a meme yesterday that said “I determine my kids play dates by which mom I want to drink wine with”.
Being alcohol free can truly feel ostracizing. And it’s strange to think that alcohol is the only drug that we have to explain NOT using.
Time to change the narrative. Alcohol free is a choice that should not require an explanation, embarrassment or fear of condemnation.
My sister used to feel this same way. We, as a society, do give others a tough time as though they have to have a reason to be alcohol free. I think much of it comes from feeling like maybe the non-drinkers are somehow judging us. Either way, it is a sad predicament that people feel left out when they choose to be alcohol free. I hope you find friends who love and accept the decision.
Bobbie says
Can’t thank you enough for your post. I raised three kids through my sobriety, and I’ve given up on parent bonding activities that always seem to involve alcohol. Wine tastings. Drinks after soccer games. Planning meetings for kids’ activities at brew houses. Etc., etc. You’re a lot younger than me, so my day has come and gone. Keep advocating for sober moms. You and I are not the only ones out there.
Michael says
To the author: perhaps you might explore an “open AA meeting”. You’ll know after an hour if you belong or not. If it does speak to you going to more meeting and working the steps will help avoid a rock bottom that is all to often fatal.
If it doesn’t speak to you Great!!! Move on with your life. It is my experience that Questioning if your an alcoholic or not doesn’t usually occur in people who do not have this disease.
I wish you the best and continue to be a role model to your kids and the moms who do and don’t drink.
Liz says
Congratulations on your sobriety. Good for you getting it early. I spent all of my kids life up until college in a wine haze. I have been sober for 4 and half years. Can’t say it’s all easy, but waking up every morning now not needing a drink is the best.
Dawn Williamson says
Let me tell you, I barely drink, and people look at me like I am crazy and have 2 heads when I choose not to, but I do not care because I don’t do things that I suck at! Fact is I suck at drinking! I am a much better designated driver.
I have all the fun that everyone else has at an event, as I do not have a shy bone in the body.
I am also sorry that you feel you need to have a reason not to drink. I don’t know your story, but my reasons for not drinking are not because I was an alcoholic nor for religious reasons I chose this way because I have no need to indulge in it. Good for you for posting this! We all need to stop Judging other’s peoples choices! (PS I am not 100% alcohol free, but enough that I can count on very limited fingers the amount of drinks I have had since being legal age limit) When people come into a house and you say would you like something to drink, coffee, water, wine, etc. and they say no thank you. That should be then end of that. People should follow it up with ok, let me know if you need someting.