This is gonna sound funny and I hope it doesn’t come off the wrong way, but the hardest thing for me to see on social media isn’t people living fancy lives with vacations or gorgeous homes or even people drinking cocktails out of sophisticated glasses. For me, the hardest, most triggering thing to see on social media is the mothers who look like they have it all together.
The twinge of jealousy could eat me alive. The pain in my stomach starts to gnaw within. And even though I say to myself “this has nothing to do with you,” the beast inside of me tells me they have everything I lack as a mother. That they don’t just parent better but they are better parents. That my kids would be better off with a mother like them.
Look I know it’s complete BS. I don’t need you to tell me I’m a good mom. It doesn’t take much for me to know I’m actually a really good mom. But the comparison game is the real deal and especially right now when I feel like our situations are all so precarious. There is something terrifying when I see other moms who look like they’re thriving, or who say they’ve found their groove in distance learning that makes me feel so inept.
I don’t know why this is my kryptonite. And surely it could be worse. But when I see other people posting their glorious pictures of homeschooling or distance learning with their children, everyone smiling gingerly for the camera with not a single grimace or power struggle to be seen, it takes everything inside of me to remind myself this is not their 24/7 reality. Or to silently flip off my phone and scream inside.
Sometimes I wonder if the reason why I write and share so much about my raw parenting truths is because there truly is nothing for me to brag about. That if I was kicking ass and taking names I would be 100% showcasing it and be understandably proud. Deservingly proud. That if I was actually really quite good at this, this would be a “Pioneer Woman of motherhood“ blog. But that’s not me, that’s not my reality and instead I write about the grueling reality of being a perfectly average mother with perfectly average children.
And if anything about this feels relatable, I just want you to know that you are safe here. You will never feel triggered by my exceptional parenting, or play the comparison game here. And while I salute any mother in her success, I will stand up and hoot and holler for any mom who lets me in to her messy and raw too. I wish I saw more of it frankly.
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