I don’t have a jaw dropping before and after picture to show you.
I don’t have a story of coming back from the brink.
I don’t have a rock bottom that will leave you with goose bumps.
I didn’t lose everything to drinking, like so many do. No one ever pulled me aside and told me to get my life together, or else. My kids didn’t bear the burden of my substance abuse. And my boss never asked me if something was to blame for my job performance.
But it was only a matter of time.
The only difference between me and the person who lost everything was time. The only difference between me and my father who suffered a stroke at 52 from his drinking was time. And the only difference between me and the woman in the jail cell on DUI charges was time.
Alcohol is chemically designed to be addictive. It builds our tolerance so we need more to have the same effect.
What starts as a one drink a night habit evolves to 2, 3, 4+, not because someone is weak, or a drunk, or a deadbeat. We start drinking more, or earlier, or with greater frequency, not because we lack willpower, but because alcohol withdrawal is miserable and painful. Addiction is a beast disguised as a break from anguish, a reward, or a warm blanket on cold days.
I don’t have a profound, dramatic addiction story, and sometimes I wish I did. Because I often feel like the change sobriety instilled in me is the greatest thing I’ve ever done. But in my old pictures, in my history, in my relationships, and on the outside, I look relatively the same.
The transformation was within. So all I can do is share my words. I will speak my truth to tell you quitting alcohol saved my life in so many ways.
They will not make a movie on my rock bottom.
The will not interview me on Good Morning America, with a picture of my mugshot in the background. But you will hear my story because radical change on the inside is still radical change. And I hope anyone who is making a radical change in their own lives, whether they are keeping it to themselves or shouting from the rooftops, knows this. Whether your rock bottom looks like the darkest abyss or waking up one morning sick and tired of your own bullshit.
Whether your transformation is obvious or subtle, whether you’re on day 1 or 1,000, and regardless of how you got here: I see you, I see your work and I hope you know you deserve to feel free.
I was two weeks sober when I took this picture. I think you can see the fear and wonder in my eyes. All I wanted was for someone to see me but I felt like I needed to do this work bound by secrecy and shame.
I wish I could hug this person and tell her she deserves to live free. She deserves to be happy.
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