My favorite moments in parenting were never the wine soaked half memories of what may or may not have happened at the birthday party, the playdate or the mimosa fueled brunch.
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I do not look back on any of the hard times, when I struggled with PPD and anxiety and couldn’t sleep more than a few hours at a time, and wish I drank more.
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I can never go back and relive some of my babies’ firsts: first steps, first words, first time they blew me a kiss — and experience them sober. Feel the natural joy and euphoria of those precious moments without a few glasses of wine dulling my senses.
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Nor can I recall the frustrations, the inner rage of trying to connect my old self to this new one, the old life with my unrecognizably exhausting mom existence — and wonder for even a second if more alcohol might have helped.
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Despite all the credit we give alcohol to helping us ‘survive’ parenting, I can truly look back and appreciate 0% of the role it played in my motherhood. You will never hear me wish I drank more to survive the challenges of parenting. Because, in truth, it only took away.
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And for all the time, money, and energy I spent convincing myself that ‘mommy needs wine’ to appreciate the milestones, I am left with fuzzier memories and ample regrets. And as mothers we deserve so much more than that. So do our children.
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