The Ultimate Mom Challenge
From the moment I got pregnant with my first child, it’s been a battle. A war. With my work, with my family, with my schedule, with societal expectations. And above all, with myself.
I knew it would be hard to hold a job and raise kids, but I learned early on that it would be harder than I ever imagined.
First, unpaid maternity leave. Six weeks unpaid leave to get my maternal bearings and lean the-f* ck back in.
I am, after all, the circus ringmaster. I orchestrate the elephants, the acrobats, and of course, the monkeys. Without me, I had a slight suspicion the whole circus tent would go crashing down.
But it didn’t and I’m not ashamed to say that stung just a little. Because as the mama and the ringmaster, I like being the star of the show. Who doesn’t? But to hand the baton to my partner, who plays a central figure in the day to day anyway? It’s not as big a deal as I made it out in my head.
My demons still live in me, despite my choice to stop drinking. My demons still whisper, though they are quieter than they used to be. And today — right now in fact — I still need to loudly choose my sobriety.
“Hi! I haven’t seen you in forever! How ARE you?” We all get asked this question several times a day. More on others. And our responses are so canned. So broad. So simplistic. “I’m fine… I’m great! How are you?” Wanna know something? There’s actually a little more to it. So here I go. The…
There was a strange moment when I lost my job a few years ago where I thought my value was gone. I was 30-something, married with a toddler and baby on the way. I worked part time making a meager salary, but it was better than nothing and I liked what I did. But when…
The Waiting Place… …for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or the waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for…
It’s a miracle I’m even here… These are the words I mumble to myself when I sit down at my desk every day. The fact that I made it at all feels like a closing scene from Mission Impossible, where Tom Cruise can finally wipe the sweat off his brow and sit down. It’s only…
I’m not just a mama. I’m a dreamer. I’m a doer. I’m a get-my-hands-dirty, get it done kind of girl. I’m a maverick. I’m a mogul. I build lives, I raise families, I change worlds. I’m an inspiration hunter. I’m an artist. I can find new meaning in the everyday. I’m a harvester. I’m a…
There was a moment following the birth of my first child when I came to a powerfully heartbreaking realization… the light switch on how to be a mom would never flip. Worse yet, there IS NO light switch. The assumption I carried my whole life that birthing a baby would predicate a universal understanding on…
So, I cried this morning. After dropping my son off at school, I got in my car and I ugly cried. Bawling, snot dripping down my chin, and mascara burning my eyes. I dropped my son off in his pajamas. He didn’t get dressed for school and the rule is — you only ask once or…