A few years ago, a school administrator told me my son’s behavior was a result of my parenting. Point blank. Specifically, she said his disruptive behavior was due to a “lack of love in the household.”
My son was 4 at the time.
As you can imagine, this broke me inside. I continue to struggle deeply with my parenting and self confidence. I believed for a long time I was unfit to parent my child, and a different mother — a better mother — would be what he needed to thrive.
When we recently got the report from the behavioral specialist that my son struggles with a severe brain development delay, I cried in frustration, but also with a sense of relief. To finally have an answer to all the struggles, after several years of judgement and shaming, I felt some semblance of feeling like a good person again.
We spoke with my son’s behavioral doctor just the other day, and she reiterated “You have a wonderful, special, brilliant child… who is also very HARD. You are good parents. You are the parents he needs.”
To any mother with a hard child, please do not think for a second this is about you. If you love your child and are doing everything you can for them, you are a GOOD MOM. Do not let anyone judge or shame you. They are clueless. They are wrong.
And to anyone who sees a mom or dad struggling with their child, praying for understanding or answers, tell they you see them. Tell them they are doing great. You wouldn’t believe the struggle they are going through. You wouldn’t believe how lonely their world feels right now.
I now have a team in place ready to fight for my son and to help him in every way possible. I now know what the root cause is. But so much of me wants to go back to that school administrator and tell her the damage she caused my family. Using a position of power to shame a family is not just wrong, it’s disgusting. And if I have to spend the rest of my life advocating for parents with challenging children, I will.
Because parents needs support too.
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