What Four Years Of Sobriety Has Taught Me

I haven’t had a drink in four years; here’s what I’ve learned. 

1. I’m a better mom without alcohol. I’m a better wife, friend, sister and daughter. Yes, I’m a better human. I’m still selfish, I’m still a b*tch occasionally, and I still make mistakes every day. But I can hold myself accountable because I am present. I own my actions because I know my truths now. 
2. Sober gets better with time. Sure, I still have hard struggles. I still battle anxiety and depression, but they are markedly less painful without the pain of a hangover; without the dull throb of always wishing for a drink.
3. Life is more satisfying sober. The constant tug for ‘just one more’ is gone. Poof. Like magic. I can live each moment in the moment, which is something I never did under the influence. I genuinely feel like I can slow down a bit. Life doesn’t feel so consuming, or perhaps my priorities have simply changed. What’s important and what isn’t is more clear than it’s ever been.
4. Some people will never understand, and that is OK. It’s not my job to explain, convince, or educate everyone. I’m only here to connect with people who genuinely want to know more.
5. If I die today, I will consider myself blessed. I know that sounds funny. One of the goals of sobriety is to live longer, right? But when I am living each day doing my best and honoring my conscience self, I am happy with what is, not pining for what should be. 
6. I am always one drink away from losing everything. This used to scare me; it still does a little. But in addiction, complacency is the enemy. I may feel good, but I am still a flawed human. I will never learn how to moderate and it’s in my best interest to remind myself every day. 
7. My sober lifestyle is something I wish for my children. I hope they are watching. I hope they see the gift that comes with knowing no drink will ever match the gift of the human experience. I would never wish my active drinking on my loved ones, which is all the more reason I’m grateful I don’t live that life for myself anymore. 
8. The more work I do on self-growth, the better sober gets. I would not go back to my first year of sobriety for all the money in the world. I was truly white knuckling every moment – I was counting days, not digging deeper. It was when I started to ask the questions, to try to heal, to understand the ‘why’…  that’s when my walls softened and I could really breathe again.
9. No regrets. None. Even my first year of sober, I did what I had to do. Knowing what I know now, I advise people to approach those early days differently, but my journey has gone exactly the way it was suppose to go.
10. Sober curious. Alcoholic. Substance use disorder. Gray area drinker. Call it what you want, but only if the label serves you. The more days I have on this earth, the more I realize it doesn’t really matter. I am sober, that’s all. I am free. I quit drinking when alcohol no longer served me and I am grateful I have another day to live my best life. Because my best life is a sober life.